To the SEND Parent Carrying the Invisible Load This Christmas: I See You

As we step into the final stretch of December, the world seems to shift into its familiar festive pace, with lights everywhere, music in every shop, countdowns, calendars, and expectations that grow bigger and brighter by the day.

But for many SEND families, this season carries a different tone. Not wrong. Not lesser. Just different.

Last week, I wrote about how December can be challenging, the changes, the sensory demands, the school events, the unpredictable emotions. This week, I want to simply stay with that acknowledgement. Not to give advice. Not to offer strategies. Just to recognise what this time of year can truly feel like for you.

Because so much of what you carry is invisible.

You make decisions that most people never think about, whether a space will be too loud, whether the day will be too long, whether the excitement will tip into overwhelm. You calculate these things quietly, instinctively, constantly, the kind of mental load that rarely makes it into festive conversations.

You read your child in ways that are almost poetic, the slight shift in their shoulders, the change in the rhythm of their voice, the pause before the wobble. You notice what others miss because you have learned to live between those tiny moments.

There is a tenderness in the way you try to cushion the world for your child at this time of year. While others see sparkle and spontaneity, you see transitions, sensory challenges, and the weight of expectation. Your focus is not on creating a “perfect” Christmas, it is on creating a safe one, a gentle one, one that allows your child to be themselves without pressure.

And that work, that profound, quiet work, deserves to be seen.

You may find yourself adjusting or even abandoning plans you once looked forward to. You may navigate family gatherings that do not always understand. You may wonder whether you are doing enough, or too much, or the right thing at all. You may feel pockets of grief next to moments of joy, pride sitting alongside exhaustion. All of that is valid. All of it makes sense.

Christmas for SEND families often exists in this mix of emotions, the light and the shadow, the hope and the heaviness, the magic and the reality. Not a picture-book version, but something far more honest.

Your Christmas might be quieter. More structured. More flexible. More carefully held. And you know what? There is such beauty in that.

Different does not mean less festive. Different does not mean your child is missing out. Different does not mean you are failing.

Different just means you are parenting with deep understanding, shaping the season around the child you love, rather than squeezing your child into the season.

So, as the days grow closer to Christmas, I want this space to hold a moment just for you.

The parent carrying the invisible load.

The parent preparing and protecting in a hundred unseen ways.

The parent doing their best in a world that often does not bend easily.

You are doing an extraordinary job.

You are not alone.

And I see you.

Sending warmth, gentleness, and understanding to you and your family this Christmas.

Lots of love,

Bryony x