Sleep and Learning Disabilities: A Compassionate Look for Summer

😴 Sleep and Learning Disabilities: A Compassionate Look for Summer

Sleep can be one of the hardest and most emotionally draining challenges for families of children with learning disabilities and neurodivergence, especially during the summer months, when lighter evenings and disrupted routines throw everything off track.

As a parent of an autistic child who struggles with sleep, I understand this all too well.

We’ve had nights, many nights, where nothing seems to work. I’ve been given all the advice: no screens, calming bedtime routines, lavender oil, strict lights-out… even being told to leave the room and they would eventually get tired enough to fall asleep alone. That last one felt like a punch to the stomach. It wouldn’t help to leave a scared child on their own and would have just left us both more anxious.

So let me say this clearly: If your child can’t sleep and you’re exhausted: it is not your fault!

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🧠 Why Is Sleep So Hard for Neurodivergent Children?

Children with autism, ADHD, or learning disabilities often face unique sleep challenges, such as:

• Difficulty producing melatonin (the hormone that helps us fall asleep)

• Sensory sensitivities (itchy clothes, noisy rooms, heat, even the feeling of lying down)

• Anxiety and difficulty winding down

• Trouble with transitions, including going from a busy day to a quiet night

• Medical issues, such as reflux or constipation, that aren’t always obvious

But something that’s often overlooked is this:

The sensation of drifting off to sleep can feel frightening or uncomfortable for some neurodivergent children.

That loss of control, the body relaxing and awareness fading, can be deeply unsettling. Some children actively avoid sleep even when they’re tired. It’s not defiance. It’s fear or discomfort they may not be able to describe.

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🛌 “But They Slept!” Sleep Quality Matters Too

Even when it looks like your child is getting enough sleep, they might still be exhausted the next day. You might hear them say they’re tired after a full night in bed and wonder why.

Sleep quantity doesn’t always mean sleep quality.

Both of my own sons move constantly during the night. Even if they were to be in bed for ten hours, they don’t seem to enter deep, restorative sleep. This can cause them to wake tired and dysregulated. And this is incredibly common in neurodivergent children, often missed by professionals who focus only on bedtime routine or total hours “asleep”.

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👶 Sleep Has Never Been Easy for Us

None of my children have ever been particularly great sleepers. We’ve always been woken multiple times in the night and even as babies, they rarely ever slept at all, let alone during the night!

They’ve also all been early risers. Until around six months ago, my youngest used to wake up at 4am every single morning, full of energy and ready to start the day! That wake-up has thankfully shifted to something closer to 5am… but we are still very much in the land of broken sleep. And I know we’re not alone.

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🌞 Some Things That Might Help, But Equally Might Not!

It can feel like everyone has advice. And while some tips are offered with love, they can sometimes leave you feeling like you’re doing something wrong if they don’t work.

So here’s a short list of things that might help… and might be complete rubbish for your family. And that’s okay.

• Blackout blinds or darkened rooms

For some children, this helps signal it’s time for sleep. For others (like mine), total darkness feels unsafe. One of my children (the one who is most struggling with sleep right now) sleeps with fairy lights and the main light dimmed low. Do what feels calming for your child.

• White noise or a fan

Some children benefit from the steady hum to drown out household creaks and nighttime noises. In our house, we often use a fan for this reason, as well as to keep the children cool because they often still insist on sleeping under a quilt, no matter how warm it is in the room. But some children hate the sound or the feeling of air on them; totally valid.

• Bath before bed

A warm (not hot) bath can help some children wind down. For others, it’s overstimulating, or they don’t want to get out, which adds stress. You don’t have to bathe them every night if it’s more hassle than it’s worth!

• Visual routine charts

Some children find it comforting to know what’s coming next: toilet, teeth, story, sleep. Others may find visuals overwhelming or unhelpful. Pick what works and scrap what doesn’t.

• Co-sleeping or staying nearby

You might read advice about putting your child back into their own bed every time they wake. And for some families, that works. But in our home, my poor husband often has to go and find another bed to sleep in because ours is already full of children! And if one of the kids wakes in the night and wants one of us to sleep in their bed with them, then we go. That might not suit every family, but it works for us. We’re on the same page and we both know there’ll come a day when they won’t want those sleepy cuddles with Mum and Dad anymore. So for now, we soak them up.

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💬 Please Remember This

All of these ideas are optional. You’re not failing if they don’t work.

No one knows your child like you do. If something works for a week and then stops (as they often do with our children), that’s not a reflection of your parenting. That’s just how some children are wired.

You’re allowed to try things, change your mind, do the opposite, or do nothing new at all. Surviving the night with your family’s emotional well-being intact is the win.

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🤝 Where to Get Support

You don’t have to manage this alone. In Norfolk, Nansa is a brilliant organisation supporting families of people with SEND. They may be able to signpost you to sleep support, parent programmes, or one-to-one advice. Each local authority will have some sort of equivilent. Check out the SEND Local Offer website for your area. Most of these services you will need to be referred to, but speak to your GP and they should be able to refer you or point you in the right direction.

You can also:

• Speak to your GP or paediatrician about your child’s sleep

• Keep a sleep diary (great evidence for health or EHCP reviews)

• Raise sleep difficulties in your child’s EHCP, they can and should be addressed in the EHCP, particularly in Section B (needs) and Section F (provision), if they impact learning, behaviour, or wellbeing. 

It’s often a good idea to make school aware of sleep issues so that they have an understanding of why your child may become tired at school or display certain behaviours and may be able to put provisions in place to work around this.

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💛 Final Thoughts

It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one still awake at 2am with a restless, exhausted child. Like you’ve done something wrong. You haven’t!

You’re parenting a child whose brain is wired differently. Their needs are different. And so are yours. You are doing your best, and that’s more than enough. You’re allowed to feel frustrated and overwhelmed yourself. Give yourself some grace.

If you ever want to share your experience or ask for support, I’m here. My inbox is open.

Together, we’ll keep holding space for these children, and for ourselves. 💛