When Rest Isn’t Rest: Managing Parental Burnout in SEND Families

If you’re parenting a child with SEND, you probably know the feeling: you finally get a “break”, but instead of feeling refreshed, you’re still exhausted. The laundry pile is still glaring at you, the EHCP paperwork still needs chasing, and your brain is quietly planning next week’s sensory supports.

This is called rest that isn’t restful, and it’s one reason so many SEND parents experience burnout.

Why SEND Parents Are More at Risk

Burnout can affect any parent, but for those raising children with SEND, the risk is dramatically higher:

• While around 9% of parents in the general population experience full parental burnout, this rises to 20–77% for parents of children with chronic conditions or additional needs.

• A study of parents of very high-needs children found over 75% showing burnout symptoms, with almost 40% in the “extreme” range.

This is not because of your child. Your child is not “too much”, “too difficult” or “the problem”. The cause is the relentless combination of advocacy, care, medical coordination, and emotional vigilance, often with little or no break.

It’s Not Failing or Disrespectful to Say You’re Tired

Some parents feel guilty for saying they’re exhausted, worrying it’s a sign they’re failing or being ungrateful.

Let’s be clear:

• Admitting you’re burnt out is not the same as wishing your child were different.

• It’s not disrespectful to your child.

• It’s an honest acknowledgement that the system is under-supporting you, and you’ve been running on empty.

You can love your child unconditionally and still need rest.

The Mental Load You Can’t Switch Off

Even when your body rests, your mind may still be busy:

• Replaying a meltdown from earlier.

• Planning school meetings or medical appointments.

• Anticipating sensory triggers in tomorrow’s schedule.

• Problem-solving for social situations or transitions.

During the UK’s COVID lockdown, 65% of parent-carers reported significant mental exhaustion, and over half reported physical exhaustion, anxiety or depression, or sleep problems. That’s the weight of being “always on”.

My Own Realisation

I’ll be honest, I’m guilty of not making time for myself. I slowly drop the things that give me peace and space without really noticing. Then all of a sudden I think, “Oh yeah, actually I haven’t had any time for a while.” When that happens, I try to make a change.

For me, that might mean setting aside one hour at the weekend with a cup of tea, watching TV on my own, with the aim that the kids don’t shout “Mum” for that hour. I make sure my phone is nowhere near me so I can’t get distracted by emails or social media.

This week, I’ve planned to go to the cinema one evening because I suddenly realised just how busy things have been. It’s not about luxury or extravagance, it’s about pressing pause before I get to the point where I’ve completely run out of steam.

Signs You Might Be Burnt Out

• Snapping over small things

• Feeling overstimulated often

• Constant tiredness, even after sleep

• Avoiding activities you normally enjoy

• Feeling isolated

• A quiet thought of “I can’t keep this up”

If these feel familiar, it’s not weakness; it’s the load.

Finding Rest That Works for SEND Parents

True rest doesn’t always mean hours of silence (though that’s nice too!). For many SEND parents, it’s about carving out small, intentional pauses:

1. Micro-breaks, even 3–5 minutes with your phone down and the kettle on.

2. Change of environment, sit in the garden, take a slow solo walk, or park somewhere with a good view. 

3. Sensory-friendly self-care, weighted blankets, calming scents, noise-cancelling headphones. 

4. Practical delegation, accept offers of help for meals, childcare, or errands. 

5. Plan nothing, give yourself permission to have a “blank” part of the week. 

Where to Find Support

If you’re running on empty, it’s okay to ask for help. You are not alone. Here are just some of the places you may be able to get support: +

Contact a Family / FamilyLine: 0808 808 3555

 A free, confidential helpline, text, and chat service for emotional support tailored to parents and adults. 

Carers UK Helpline: 0808 808 7777 

Offers a helpline for carer-specific advice, online wellbeing resources (like yoga, forums, “Care for a Cuppa”), and a directory of local support for practical help or respite.  

Scope: scope.org.uk

While focused on the child, their practical advice for families navigating education and support services can lighten your mental load.

Your Local Council via Carer’s Assessment: https://www.nhs.uk/social-care-and-support/support-and-benefits-for-carers/carer-assessments/ 

Request a carer’s assessment to access respite services, financial support, or breaks, through social services or via your council’s website.  

Mind: 0300 123 3393 

A mental health charity offering information, advice, and support for anyone struggling with their mental wellbeing. They provide local services, online resources, and helplines to help you cope with stress, anxiety, depression, and burnout.

You might want to join a SEND group on social media, where you can ask for advice, have a little vent with like-minded people, or read about others’ experiences that you might relate to.

Even a short conversation can be a first step to feeling less isolated.

A Gentle Reminder

SEND parenting isn’t just about loving and supporting your child; it’s a 24/7 role that includes advocacy, medical coordination, and emotional buffering. Your tiredness is not a flaw.

Rest is not selfish; it’s survival. And when you do finally find those moments that feel like real rest, you’re not just helping yourself, you’re making sure you can keep doing what only you can do.

As always. If there is anything I can help with, please do reach out. I would love to help!